my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
