my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
