if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
