My brain says no but my pants say off.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
