Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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