Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
