It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
