Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I love you.
Bad choice
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