he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
