I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
