Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
