he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
