I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
