Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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