Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
