honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
50% drunk capacity currently
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Randomize
