yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
