He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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