where am i from again
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
