Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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