I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
