Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
