I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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