who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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