I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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