I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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