well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
