Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize