those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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