I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
