i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
