Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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