We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
