we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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