Buhtt sex?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
