saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
