It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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