I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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