You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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