I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
