I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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