I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
