they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
