If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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