Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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