Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
