You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
