The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
