Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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