Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
