Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
