4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i think i just naturally attract stoners
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
