is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
how can u be prego again
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
