you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
