Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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