your thong is hanging out like whoa
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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