fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
