I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
