I wish I could punch you in the face.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
