we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
