My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
