I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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