the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
