i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize