I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
