He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
