he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
