If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
