I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
