she takes plan B like it's going out of style
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize