69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Randomize
