I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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