And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need to sanitize my soul.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
