the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
