my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i believe in u and ur pee
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