I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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