I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize