I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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