I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
