why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
vagina is talking i cant
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It's blow job season.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
