ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
