never play flip cup with pint glasses
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
