But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize