I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
