guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You may now shotgun with the bride
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
