look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
