she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize