i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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