The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
