he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
