we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
