i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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