Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
