You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
