i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I just found puke in my bra..
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
