Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
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