I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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