I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
