theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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