did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
