So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
