so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize