i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
