im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
