Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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