I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
