I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize